I Never Ever Thought I'd Have a Disabled Child, Never!

I Never Ever Thought I'd Have a Disabled Child, Never! 

DAMN political correctness! Let's get that out of the way, shall we? Yes, my child is disabled. That's the truth. But some of you might think he's strange, different, even stupid, or worse even retarded... Though for me, HE is SPECIAL, truly special. 

So what if he has melt downs. Sometimes. Like when a particular blue ball doesn't come out from a coin machine in the arcade? 

I know he has a high pitched voice that makes him seem 3 and he is 7 and I'm not lying when I tell you, he really only started talking a year ago! 

Sometimes I wish I can dress my handsome boy up in cute sweaters and polo shirts, but he likes to wear the same sweatshirt. It's so faded the blue now looks gray. Though in this old sweatshirt, with its hood up, he feels safe. 

Yes, he is that skinny boy in the classroom. His pants are all stretchy or with a drawstring. Can't blame him for only liking rice, buttery pasta, and the occasional nuggets. That's all he likes! 

You're right, he is different. He is just learning his alphabet and numbers, and I'm aware he is going into 2nd grade next year. 

Maybe, just maybe, at times his differences make me cry. Sometimes it creeps up on me, even on days like this, a beautiful winter day, while looking out on the scenery from the train. 

But more often, the fears and tears are brushed aside and is forgotten. My son, like many Special needs children like him, bring so much joy. 

Joy you ask? Confused? Why you ask?

In his inflexible mind the world isn't the same. In this world a boy pulls out a chair for his grandma at Sunday brunch, knows cold water makes a bucket of hot water feel nice, observes the characters in the back drop of an animated flick, greets the moon and the sun with the same phrase "look, it's beautiful," jumps up and down in excitement when music plays. A boy greets his mama with the warmest of hugs and smiles when he wakes up in the morning.

Sure he doesn't like brushing his teeth, he has been eating pasta and rice twice a day for the last 4 years, showers at times makes him scream as if in pain, and there's no such thing as taking a break or doing things the easy way! 

But he has the sweetest voice now that he is finally talking. He often asks "are you okay?," showing empathy,  and his laugh and silliness makes it all better. It really does. 

Some people don't understand children like him. Some people say things like " He doesn't look like it ( autistic). He will get better." Some people change the subject, quickly, when I begin talking about him. 

Him...My son...who is autistic. 

I never, ever thought I'd have a disabled child. Never! 

But now I can't even imagine life without him. 

This entry is dedicated to my son, Luca. May you stay innocent. May you always stay sensitive to the things we are not. May your light continue to shine. May you forever be my Luke Skywalker. Thank you for blessing us with your existence. I love you my special boy. 

As always, thank you for reading my blog. God bless you and yours.